clearing up the issue of assertiveness
Me making the most of outdoors in winter daylight and more time on my feet after a summer lost to an Achilles rupture!
labelling behaviour ‘politely’ leads to outdated definitions.
Polite…. HOW BRITISH!
😡 Talking assertiveness, as part of planning training with a client for teams handling difficult conversations, they pointed out that assertiveness is a problem when someone’s getting riled and coming across harshly.
🧹So, let’s clear this up:
Shouting frustrations, like someone’s turned the ‘angry tap’ on and the sink’s overflowing...
Steely looks that threaten from across the boardroom table, looking like something supernatural (that doesn’t blink) in a teen movie...
Not stopping to breathe through a monologue which seems missing a stage, spotlight and orchestra ...
Cutting, in halfway through someone’s sentence, saying their name in the gruff tone you’d use to call your naughty dog back across the park...
Saying their name every few words, as if they’re confused after an accident and someone’s talking them through urgent medical care...
ISN'T ASSERTIVE!
Definitions =
The Cambridge Dictionary:
Behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe.
Collins Dictionary:
Confident and direct in expressing one's needs or opinions.
❌ If we consider overpowering behaviour to be assertive, then we’re not going to encourage assertiveness in relationship building, ‘professionalism’ (whatever that means), and customer service.
✅ You need to be assertive when:
Handling emotional situations
Dealing with difficult customers
Someone's being rude
Asking for help (or a payrise)
Explaining experience in an interview
Stopping people-pleasing
Sharing an opinion in a meeting
Saying no to a task
..The list goes on!
🌎 In my world, assertiveness is respectful, confidence-building, succinct, and time and energy-saving.
Assertiveness removes the emotional mess. Assertiveness doesn’t break anything, it builds.
If you hear someone described as assertive, what comes to mind?
P.S. So that you/your team don’t shudder before ‘that talk’ but go in calmly, confidently, in control and with a smile. - see the contact page to book a 30-minute chat.
“Hands down the best event I’ve been to for a long time.”