difficult conversations and the cost of silence
Clare Haynes highlights the difficulties of not making sufficient time for conversations in the workplace.
This frustrates me when someone has an issue and needs guidance from their manager.
The issue feels delicate so the staff member naturally knows it's better to make it a conversation, and not a message.
As their manager, your diary is packed, with back-to-back in-person or Teams meetings (other platforms are available, I'm not on commission, no referral code or anything!). When you seem to become free (via Teams or there's a diary gap) and the staff member reaches you, they're told there's no time today or they're asked to message about it.
Can you hear that effort?
The calendar-checking
The Teams-stalking
The calling to see if you're free
Keeping frustration/fear in check
Trying to keep their mind on the job whilst this is festering
Bracing, ready to spill the beans, but not sure of the likely response
The stress spirals as the (what might have seemed a matter-of-fact) issue now feels heavier.
So, when the two of you eventually speak, the staff member isn't in their best frame of mind or speaking as clearly. They might throw up word-vomit, because they're aware of the limited time available and it feels like pressure.
So now they feel self-conscious, completely unrelated to the topic they wanted to talk about. You, as their manager, might feel bombarded, thinking the staff member's overly-emotional.
You might even label them indecisive and not clear-thinking. Perhaps you'll jump to query whether this is, in fact, a personality issue you've not previously noticed?
This happens time and time again. Not a conversation skill capability issue but more of a conversation capacity issue, which then affects staff behaviour.
Managers need conversation capacity, just like how you have to have extra time between meetings to take agreed actions, meet incoming info requests, or catch up on emails. Diary time that allows your work to be interrupted by unexpected conversations that keep your relationships flowing.
It stops small issues becoming richter-scale risks like someone suddenly going off sick with stress, just before a project launch, or quitting when you least expect it. Deteriorated trust, due to lack of time to talk, is costly.
It's such a waste. Do you have suitable flex in your diary for when someone needs you or are you losing people, figuratively and (eventually) literally?
Difficult conversations: Want to know the cost of silence? See the stats.
P.S. If you’re struggling with a difficult conversation then remember that the steps are simpler than putting it off. See the contact page. See coaching, speaking and workshops available.
“We wanted an interactive session for our staff conference, something that would get everyone out of their seat and involved. Clare clearly “knew her stuff” and has such an engaging personality that got everyone participating.”